2010 - H
2010 - We're 11 days into it, and so much has happened already. We celebrated Mike and Leslie and their family as they embark on their journey into the desert...but deeper into the heart of God. I've been thinking about them a lot the last couple of weeks, trying to package my feelings and thoughts before they left, but it's been hard. Thoughts upon thoughts and memories have been flooding my mind for days, and I just haven't been able to capture them and share them as much as I tried and as much as I wanted to. My consolation has been to tell myself that those stories really aren't as important as what's in my heart and in all of our hearts as we send them - love for them, a deep appreciation for them. I don't think it's as much what they've done and given (although I'm quite thankful for all that they invested in our church and me personally and all that they've taught us), but who they are and that I had the privilege of sharing life with them these last several years.
I feel sad, and I'll be grieving for a while. While I don't want to sweep that aside I also feel this sense of anticipation that I can't escape regarding the future and maybe even this year, 2010. I don't know what's ahead, but I feel like it's going to be a good year, that the Lord is going to be moving and that I'm going to be part of it. I have this feeling that something is brewing, that we are on this path toward something, and that maybe our lives will change dramatically in the next several years. It's also my hope, that we are living more enmeshed in God's purpose for us whatever that may look like.
My theme for this year is integrity, to be wholly, internally consistent. (Does this even make sense?) The last several years I realize I've taken cues from my surroundings and the people around me and abandoned the values God implanted in my heart over the years. It hasn't been all bad in that I've learned about myself and about boundaries and my limits. There have been good lessons learned, but there's been a lack of joy, I think, b/c so many of my decisions have been more self-serving. In some sense I've been hoarding blessings rather than giving, loving, serving, pouring out. I was looking around me and wondering why I was making life harder for myself, denying myself, and sacrificing when it didn't seem like that was happening around me. I felt like I was giving a lot and getting nothing in return, and I often felt like I was alone in it. So, I served myself. When I think about the last several years, I can remember missed opportunities to bless another, things I didn't do b/c it was inconvenient or whatever. I feel regretful.
This year is about returning to those things God planted in my heart, living according to the values and principles He placed there and taking my cues from Him again, to live consistently with what's in my heart.
"...just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matt. 20.28. LOVE, SERVE, SACRIFICE, POUR OUT, EMPTY. This is what Jesus came to do. There's nothing about self here.
I feel sad, and I'll be grieving for a while. While I don't want to sweep that aside I also feel this sense of anticipation that I can't escape regarding the future and maybe even this year, 2010. I don't know what's ahead, but I feel like it's going to be a good year, that the Lord is going to be moving and that I'm going to be part of it. I have this feeling that something is brewing, that we are on this path toward something, and that maybe our lives will change dramatically in the next several years. It's also my hope, that we are living more enmeshed in God's purpose for us whatever that may look like.
My theme for this year is integrity, to be wholly, internally consistent. (Does this even make sense?) The last several years I realize I've taken cues from my surroundings and the people around me and abandoned the values God implanted in my heart over the years. It hasn't been all bad in that I've learned about myself and about boundaries and my limits. There have been good lessons learned, but there's been a lack of joy, I think, b/c so many of my decisions have been more self-serving. In some sense I've been hoarding blessings rather than giving, loving, serving, pouring out. I was looking around me and wondering why I was making life harder for myself, denying myself, and sacrificing when it didn't seem like that was happening around me. I felt like I was giving a lot and getting nothing in return, and I often felt like I was alone in it. So, I served myself. When I think about the last several years, I can remember missed opportunities to bless another, things I didn't do b/c it was inconvenient or whatever. I feel regretful.
This year is about returning to those things God planted in my heart, living according to the values and principles He placed there and taking my cues from Him again, to live consistently with what's in my heart.
"...just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matt. 20.28. LOVE, SERVE, SACRIFICE, POUR OUT, EMPTY. This is what Jesus came to do. There's nothing about self here.
posted by haed at 7:45 AM
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