Morning sickness sucks! - H
I find myself wishing that I was in a field where I could make enough to support us so that E could stay home and I could work. He even said today that he'd be willing to do that b/c it probably suits our personalities better. Of course everything I'm feeling these days is colored by the fact that I'm enduring morning sickness, and when I come out of it, perhaps everything I'm feeling now will sound ridiculous then. Who knows? I definitely said that I would not do this again last time I was going through morning sickness, and look where I am! I told E, though, that even if I change my mind next time, that he is supposed to convince me that I don't want to go through this again.
Anyway, I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not quite cut out to be a full-time, stay-at-home-mom. I'm sooooo glad that I was there for all of J's moments, big and small, but after nearly 20 months of baby care, I think I need to move on to something else. I feel the need to regain some normalcy in my life, but my fear is that this is the new normal. I wonder if I'm fighting against something I can't change, and I wonder if I just need to submit to it in order to find some sense of peace and rest. Maybe I'm fooling myself when there is no rest to really be had for a parent...especially when the children are so young. I don't know what the answer is. I just know that I wish I were the kid and that my mommy could take care of me right now. I'm just spent and overwhelmed.
Through it all, J has been absolutely precious and so understanding. She always runs to the bathroom when I'm throwing up, and a few days ago, she was rubbing my back and trying to soothe me. She's always giving me kisses and hugs and says, "Feel better," as in now I'm supposed to feel better b/c she kissed and hugged me. She's uber understanding and often lets me lay down and lounge on the couch while she's playing (for a while anyway), but usually immediately after she sees me vomit. She gets upset when she sees me upset, and she wants to help me feel better. She's so wonderfully loving and caring. She tries to take care of me! How amazing is that! I'm so privileged to see and experience that from her. It's amazing. She is one amazing little girl!
Still, nausea and fatigue while trying to take care of a toddler sucks!
Anyway, I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not quite cut out to be a full-time, stay-at-home-mom. I'm sooooo glad that I was there for all of J's moments, big and small, but after nearly 20 months of baby care, I think I need to move on to something else. I feel the need to regain some normalcy in my life, but my fear is that this is the new normal. I wonder if I'm fighting against something I can't change, and I wonder if I just need to submit to it in order to find some sense of peace and rest. Maybe I'm fooling myself when there is no rest to really be had for a parent...especially when the children are so young. I don't know what the answer is. I just know that I wish I were the kid and that my mommy could take care of me right now. I'm just spent and overwhelmed.
Through it all, J has been absolutely precious and so understanding. She always runs to the bathroom when I'm throwing up, and a few days ago, she was rubbing my back and trying to soothe me. She's always giving me kisses and hugs and says, "Feel better," as in now I'm supposed to feel better b/c she kissed and hugged me. She's uber understanding and often lets me lay down and lounge on the couch while she's playing (for a while anyway), but usually immediately after she sees me vomit. She gets upset when she sees me upset, and she wants to help me feel better. She's so wonderfully loving and caring. She tries to take care of me! How amazing is that! I'm so privileged to see and experience that from her. It's amazing. She is one amazing little girl!
Still, nausea and fatigue while trying to take care of a toddler sucks!
posted by haed at 8:13 PM
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