Escaping to heaven - H
(sigh) I can't wait to go to heaven. I don't really care what kind of mansions or whatever else there is. I just want to be away from the troubles of this world. Maybe this is selfish. It's not a longing to worship God for an eternity that drives my longing, but a desire to know that I'll not have to live in a fallen world any longer. I guess I'm seeking eternal rest.
I was quite shaken after last weekend. E and I were invited to have dinner with another couple, and I found myself feeling a bit miserable b/c I didn't know how I was supposed to behave. Koreans expect you to be helping in the kitchen no matter whose kitchen you're in, but caucasian people view you as guests and don't expect that at all. Well, who am I? What should I be doing in this situation? I was verbally beaten for not living up to these Korean cultural expectations, and I think it shattered some part of me. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Why do I seem to elicit this kind of malice from my own parents and now them?
It's been hard to enjoy the days since then. I either want to retreat or live vicariously through other people as they experience joy. Is this a lesson? Lord, what are you trying to teach me? Why me?
Pray for me if you think of me.
I was quite shaken after last weekend. E and I were invited to have dinner with another couple, and I found myself feeling a bit miserable b/c I didn't know how I was supposed to behave. Koreans expect you to be helping in the kitchen no matter whose kitchen you're in, but caucasian people view you as guests and don't expect that at all. Well, who am I? What should I be doing in this situation? I was verbally beaten for not living up to these Korean cultural expectations, and I think it shattered some part of me. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Why do I seem to elicit this kind of malice from my own parents and now them?
It's been hard to enjoy the days since then. I either want to retreat or live vicariously through other people as they experience joy. Is this a lesson? Lord, what are you trying to teach me? Why me?
Pray for me if you think of me.
posted by haed at 8:35 PM
2 Comments:
you are who you are. it sounds stupid and lame, but i really believe that. all of us second generation asian americans have these weird contradictions in us about who we think we are and who others think we are. sometimes we think we are asian when others don't, sometimes we think we are american when others don't. so it's just confusing for us all.
i think the most important thing to strive for is to become comfortable with who we are. don't let others no matter how well (or ill) meaning they may be determine who we are. we have to be comfortable enough with ourselves so when people criticize us for being /not being korean/american, we can stand up strong and just say, "well, that's who i am."
i'm guessing though it's harder for women, especially married women. that's just my guess. but yeah, do your best but remain true to yourself?
dave
hang in there, H. i know it's been tough. it's hard, but we all have to bend and yield to some degree for the sake of others' expectations.
don't worry, you'll be in chicago in no time - "the next best place this side of heaven," right? ;)
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