Just understand - H

I think there are two things that bother me most. Both have to do with understanding. It bothers me that they are unwilling to give ear to another perspective and to even acknowledge that there may be differences between us. They won't even acknowledge it. I used to have arguments about cultural differences with my mom growing up, and she would respond by saying that it's not about culture. "If you walk into a white person's home, the expectations would be the same." This was the exact same response I got from them. (I hate hearing this b/c I know they live in such an insulated community that chances are they have never stepped into a caucasian person's home, and they have no idea what the expectations are in reality.) Anyway...so, the assumption is that there's something wrong with me, which brings me to the second point. It bothers me that they or others would think there is something wrong with me and the person that I am.

I talked with one of my coworkers today and shared some stories. She's part Asian and she relayed a story to me about how an Asian neighbor growing up had demanded to be addressed a certain way and lectured her about it, and her admittedly stubborn response was to never give him what he wanted. The thing is, if he had said to her, "I would have preferred that you address me as..." it would have made a world of difference in her response. Instead he lectured her. That makes sense to me, and I completely understand. I would have done the same thing. I felt validated, and that made me feel a lot better. Understand that I'm not making a value judgment about stubbornness but about myself.

I think the first person ever to tell me that it's okay to be me was my college pastor just before I left. He told me that being strong willed doesn't make me a lesser person, although that is the message that I'd been receiving for as long as I can remember. It's not acceptable in Korean culture or at least I was always scolded for it. I was supposed to be demure, but the reality is that I'm not. I was a tomboy that had my own thoughts and opinions and I expressed them. That is just who I am. To someone who knows this, my responses are understandable and valid, and feeling that makes me feel better. I just crave understanding.

Anyway, I've been realizing just how American I am, and it even surprises me sometimes. I generally haven't experienced much peace in my life with the other half of my identity, and my distaste for it continues to grow. (Sorry for those of you proud Koreans.) At the end of it all, what does this mean? If I ever have kids, you can expect them to call you by your first name. =)