A matter of fact - H

Sometimes I still wonder what life would have been like for me if I hadn't moved out to Cali. I appreciate the life I have here now, and I don't know that I would feel comfortable back in the Midwest after living here a half decade. Still, I had so many daydreams about what my life would look like, the things I wanted to do, the places I wanted to live, the way I wanted my life to look. It's nothing that substantial. I imagined spending many hours in coffee houses, passing the time with friends or with my journal, maybe with a good book. I imagined living in the city. I imagined a festive holiday season complete with snow. I imagined taking dance classes at Hubbard Street and strolls along the lake. I imagined going to Ravinia and relaxing on the lawn to some good music and with good company. Not that my imagined life is what I would have had, but these are things I enjoyed when I lived there and I still miss them sometimes.

Maybe I'm just reminiscing b/c of the current life stage I'm in. Life as a mother with young kids is so much about others that I miss doing the things that I liked to do, having the feedom that I used to have, the ability to make decisions without having to consider someone else's need for a nap, short attention span, or need for stimulation. Even if I take the time to do that though, I would be thinking of my little one and miss her. I can't win. I don't say this bitterly. It's just a matter of fact.