Small victories - H

So, I've had to drive J around for her naps for a while. I don't remember how that started, but it worked so that's what we were doing. For whatever reason, last week I decided that I wasn't going to do that anymore and introduced J to the idea of "lay-down time." The first day it was for 5 minutes. She protested the whole time and skipped her nap that day. She was laying down the whole time though so that made me think I could try that again. So the next day, I upped the time to 20 minutes and sat in bed with her. She protested again, and I, after having read a couple of excerpts from books about how to deal with tantrums and their causes/reasons, etc. ignored her cries. After 20 minutes, she pretty much laid down and went to sleep. I was amazed. So, it's been a week now, and she protests nap time, but she knows it's non-negotiable and she eventually goes to sleep. Today it took less than 10 minutes. Woohoo!

I think what it does for me is make me feel like I'm in control, which is incredibly refreshing and stabilizing for me. I've found that there's little structure and control (or maybe I've injected little structure and control) to my day, and I don't think I deal with that very well. It's actually kind of draining. Maybe it's that as J gets older she can get on board with my routine a bit more rather than me having to be tied to her schedule...although I don't have a routine anymore.

Anyway, understanding the some of the primary reasons that kids throw tantrums (i.e. manipulation to get what they want), which is what J's been doing lately, made it a lot easier to be firm. Not to say this is the only reason. Sometimes they need some more attention and there were some other reasons, but this is the one that applies to J most lately. It lets me separate myself from her tantrum and to be able to say that it's not about me (b/c the other thing that kids will do it make you feel bad for not giving them what they want), but it's about her. I can tell myself, "She wants to skip her nap, but she needs to take one. She doesn't hate me. She doesn't really want me to 'go away.' She just wants to skip her nap." That's much better than feeling like I'm always the bad cop who's constantly denying her what she wants.

Gosh, it just makes me wonder how hard it's going to be to handle the teenage tantrums where it's all MY fault that this, that, and the other thing happened and how I don't care about or understand her, how she's going to DIE b/c I didn't let her go to some party or whatever or how she NEEDS to have those shoes and this purse...although I don't wear a purse so maybe she won't either. Then again, maybe it won't be that way and maybe she'll have learned by then to talk to me like a civil human being without blaming me for all her teenage woes. One can hope...but maybe I should pray.

This parenting thing is hard. Lord, let grace abound.