Growing up, thoughts on film photography, my first gig - H

I was looking through earlier photos of Baby the other day, and I realized that I forgot just what she was like. I forgot that her hair was shorter and spiky. I've forgotten how small she was...things like that. She's growing and changing so fast, and again I feel like I'm missing it all, that I can't soak it in before the moments pass. I realize that even the way I interact with her has changed, that my fascination has waned a bit, and that sometimes I'd rather get a few things done. I realized the other day, that I was so focused on checking things off my list that I neglected to spend some quality time with her. She was sooooo happy when Daddy came home and engaged her and played with her. It made me sad to realize that I had such tunnel vision that day. It's a challenge to juggle motherhood and anything else and to hold a good balance of giving yourself without losing yourself, maintaining your identity. Maybe...the key is to realize that life now is about giving myself, and all other things must fall in place with respect to that. Maybe...

I just got some film developed. I didn't want to find the time to develop these rolls myself, and I wanted to see prints. I feel motivated to shoot and create images again b/c I feel good about some of the shots, and it just gives me a bit more faith in myself, my eye, and my ability. It makes me think that I just need to keep doing it, so that I see the results and the improvement which, in turn, will continue to motivate me.

On shooting film...I think I am more thoughtful about the shots I take when shooting film. It's because I don't get the immediate feedback from the LCD on the back, and if the shots are important to me, and I'm hoping to get some good, workable negs, then I need to know what I'm doing and expose the film correctly. Otherwise that moment and that shot is lost. This is generally true when shooting digital too, but I think digital has changed the mentality of the photographer...or at least novices and amateurs like me. It's more a shoot first and figure it out later, rather than using your knowledge of the lighting, the subject, composition, and the camera to set up the shot first and then shoot it. The temptation is too strong when shooting digital to look at that LCD screen to see if the shot is good. It trains me not to trust myself AND I get some really bad shots b/c the screen is much too small to really assess the photo, but I trust it anyway. I should just treat it like a film camera, but it's not and so I don't. The thing is that it's much easier to get a good print when you have a good negative. You don't have to edit the photo as much or perhaps at all if you're technically good with the camera. Anyway...Maybe I need to get more into the process of printing photos to understand this better.

I got my first photo gig. I wasn't even looking for it, but someone saw a couple of my photos and thought I would be a good photographer for her child's first birthday party. I was flattered but intimidated, so I pretty much declined at first. She'd seen some of my stills, but shooting still life and shooting an event are very different, and I wasn't sure what her expectations were. Still, I wanted to try and gain the experience, so I'm going to shoot it. We'll see how it goes.

I'm going to experiment with Ilford b+w film. I think it has a different quality to it, closer to the results I get when push processing Tri-X. I like the grainier, more contrasty photos when taking photos of Baby...maybe in general...maybe it depends on the subject. I don't know yet, but if I can get the effect without having to push the film, then I don't always have to develop the rolls myself.

Not that you cared...but thanks for reading!