My latest parenting concern - H

So, one thing that's been concerning me about J lately is the fact that if she's playing with something and another kid sort of pushes her out of the way to play with it, then she often doesn't put up a fight about it, and in my eyes, looks like she's allowing herself to be pushed over. Sometimes, the other kid doesn't even have to be aggressive about it. She may just give up the toy and move on to something else, and on the flip side, I don't really see her eying things that other kids have and grabbing it away from them. Of course I understand that there's probably a lot that I miss. Although, I did notice that when one of the neighborhood kids stopped by and started playing with her stroller, J quickly grabbed her special doll and the doll's blanket in anticipation that this little girl would want to play with them too. J grabbed them and held them tightly and stared at the little girl as if to say, "You took over the stroller, but you're not getting your hands on Big Baby (which is the name of her doll)." So, it's not to say that J doesn't have her moments where she refuses to share.

Anyway, I wonder about that. Is it something in the way I parent her that makes her feel like she should always give up what she's playing with? Is it just her personality? Maybe it's her lack of exposure to situations like this, and when she starts school she'll learn how to be grabby b/c that's how one gets to play with the toys she wants to play with. It makes me wonder whether I should try to teach her to be more aggressive and more possessive (as if I know how I would teach that in a constructive manner or at all), b/c the truth be told, when she gets older, she'll need to know how to stand her ground to survive in the world out there.

Then I think about how she doesn't really belong to us but to the Lord and that sheds a different light on my parenting responsibility. I haven't thought it through completely, but one thing I think about is that there should be something distinctly different about her character b/c of the influence of her Christ following parents and hopefully as she follows Him herself one day. So, that makes me think that I need to examine closely what I'm teaching her about how to navigate through the world beginning with this latest concern of mine about how she seems to acquiesce more than I would like to see. While I would like to see her assert herself more, I think that I feel more comfortable that she learn shrewdness and wisdom when she gets a little older and is able to understand the difference between aggression and assertiveness for the sake of not being a pushover and shrewdness and the ability to choose her battles wisely. That seems more Christlike to me. (Consequently, people in the past have often given me this advice, that I should choose my battles and not fight them all. I hope I've learned a thing or two over the years so I can pass them on to my kids.)

In the end, I don't think that J is really a pushover. I'm beginning to think that she just doesn't care all that much about playing with this or that unless they are her special toys and maybe unless it was ripped out of her hands. I'm not sure. I need to observe her more, but I think she is often content to move on to something else. So, I will probably not try to encourage her to be more aggressive just for the sake of herself b/c I see it as more the way of the world. I don't think that's who she is anyway. I think she's actually very tender and sweet, but of course she is my little girl.

I've just started thinking about this though, and I'm sure my thoughts about all of this will evolve and develop the longer I think about it and the more I see who J is. Lord, please help us do a good job of it, of parenting J.