Revelation about my "village" - H
I had a revelation last night, and I think this may be a no-brainer to many. However, my idealism needed to be shot down to reality before I could accept this.
So, I strongly believe that it takes a village to raise a child, and not in just this flowery and lofty sense where the good people in your life exert positive influences in your child's life, but also in a very practical sense where the village helps to relieve some of the stress of parenting and essentially helps you maintain your sanity and some semblance of normalcy in your life, especially when you have very small children as I do.
So, I've been realizing that I have half a village, the part of it that will give J some sense of belonging to a larger community, people that she can probably go complain about Mom to and who will be able to give her wise counsel, people who love her and will show her how to follow the Lord. However, to have that part of the village that is going to come over at a day's notice, feed my child dinner, then bathe her, and put her to sleep in the very labor intensive way that we do it while E and I are out for a much needed intimate dinner...well, I realized that we need to pay people to do that...and that's why we Americans do things the way that we do. Many of us don't have a "real village" in that the grandparents don't live down the street with uncle 1,2, and 3 in the neighboring cities, with cousins galore all around the area who will just drop by, welcome or not, to hang out or raid your fridge, but that you can also inconvenience to watch your kids for a quick half hour while you run to the store, to comiserate about the latest in child rearing failures or frustrations, that you can invite to every holiday function for a wild and crazy, yet memorable time, and the list goes on.
There's a lot that's good about family, but a lot of less-than-ideal junk that can come along with them too, and I wonder if it's really worth it to be as independent as we are to spare ourselves all that junk. Of course, I understand that in some cases it is, without question worth it, and perhaps that's the case for many of us who are Asian-American and so many worlds away from our parents, culturally and experientially, and I think in pretty much about every possible way, but for those who could go one way or the other, maybe the benefits of being near family really do outweigh the benefits of living apart from them. I don't know where I fall, but I do lean toward independence and a lack of desire to wade through all the junk in order to gain free sanity. If I must pay for sanity which is what I realized last night, then I'll try to find a way to do it, but I often long for that crazy family I described above. It makes for a fuller life experience, don't you think?
In the end, I chalk it up to sin, and how terrible the consequences of sin are and how our lives suck b/c of it. Everything these days makes me long for Heaven b/c well...it seems like heaven. I can't wait to be there one day. No more tears, and no more pain. Isn't that what they say? That sounds good to me.
So, I strongly believe that it takes a village to raise a child, and not in just this flowery and lofty sense where the good people in your life exert positive influences in your child's life, but also in a very practical sense where the village helps to relieve some of the stress of parenting and essentially helps you maintain your sanity and some semblance of normalcy in your life, especially when you have very small children as I do.
So, I've been realizing that I have half a village, the part of it that will give J some sense of belonging to a larger community, people that she can probably go complain about Mom to and who will be able to give her wise counsel, people who love her and will show her how to follow the Lord. However, to have that part of the village that is going to come over at a day's notice, feed my child dinner, then bathe her, and put her to sleep in the very labor intensive way that we do it while E and I are out for a much needed intimate dinner...well, I realized that we need to pay people to do that...and that's why we Americans do things the way that we do. Many of us don't have a "real village" in that the grandparents don't live down the street with uncle 1,2, and 3 in the neighboring cities, with cousins galore all around the area who will just drop by, welcome or not, to hang out or raid your fridge, but that you can also inconvenience to watch your kids for a quick half hour while you run to the store, to comiserate about the latest in child rearing failures or frustrations, that you can invite to every holiday function for a wild and crazy, yet memorable time, and the list goes on.
There's a lot that's good about family, but a lot of less-than-ideal junk that can come along with them too, and I wonder if it's really worth it to be as independent as we are to spare ourselves all that junk. Of course, I understand that in some cases it is, without question worth it, and perhaps that's the case for many of us who are Asian-American and so many worlds away from our parents, culturally and experientially, and I think in pretty much about every possible way, but for those who could go one way or the other, maybe the benefits of being near family really do outweigh the benefits of living apart from them. I don't know where I fall, but I do lean toward independence and a lack of desire to wade through all the junk in order to gain free sanity. If I must pay for sanity which is what I realized last night, then I'll try to find a way to do it, but I often long for that crazy family I described above. It makes for a fuller life experience, don't you think?
In the end, I chalk it up to sin, and how terrible the consequences of sin are and how our lives suck b/c of it. Everything these days makes me long for Heaven b/c well...it seems like heaven. I can't wait to be there one day. No more tears, and no more pain. Isn't that what they say? That sounds good to me.
posted by haed at 1:30 PM
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